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Scared to Death...

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Jun. 3rd, 2008 | 08:05 pm
location: Cleveland, OH
mood: scaredscared
music: David Lynch, "The Air is on Fire"
posted by: bipolartist in bipolarcreate



So I've had the day from hell... I'm all worked up now, coming "down" a bit but still, generally, scared to death.  Events of the day: woke up too tired to go to work, after sleeping almost 11 hours.  Called in sick.  Spent the whole day on the phone with a friend, while I was fighting a sinus headache...  Wait, let's go back a few days.  Out drunk I made conversation with someone I've seen around town for years.  It felt nice to finally break the ice.  Now I'm afraid he's a psycho!!  Someone came up and told me to be careful, that the police are "after" him and that he's nothing but trouble.  So I took the warning to heart and thought, "OK, I won't be following up on that friendship lead..."  Too late, he's following up with me... He was asking librarians at the library where I work if they knew me and could they deliver the message for me to call him and he left his number.  That's today, I got the e-mail around noon and it scared me to death.  I had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse this evening and she told me, "Use your CBT tools, don't get worked up, don't just call him without thinking it through, give it time to put things into perspective..."  So I came home, ate some Thai food, lit some candles and I'm resisting the urge to call and tell people and ask their opinion. 

I'm creative, my mind makes up all variety of vivid and terrifying scenarios... I'm destined to have nightmares... I'm afraid...  I know this guy has friends in my apartment building and he knows which apartment I live in.  I'm scared sick.  I had to practically force myself to meditate, which inspired the image above.  I'm scared...  I'm exhausted...

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Comments {2}

dangerduckie21

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from: dangerduckie21
date: Jun. 4th, 2008 04:33 am (UTC)
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Ugh...I've had my share of stalkers & they suck!!!

Worse comes to worst, might be time to look into a restraining order if he doesn't go away when you tell him to...sounds like the cops already know who he is anyway!

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D. L.

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from: bipolartist
date: Jun. 4th, 2008 01:32 pm (UTC)
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Well, I think it's a bit too early for a restraining order, he's only left me one message with a co-worker and I don't really know the guy at all. My coworker said he seemed nice enough and wasn't sketchy about it, which makes me feel better. My pdoc said I'm just working myself up and I should just blow him off and wait it out and see what happens and realize I'm safe, for now. Thanks for the input though...

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